I’ve waited well over a month to post this. I’ve been waiting for that perfect time. For that perfect wording to come to me. For that profound string of emotions to come out in words that can somehow express what I’m feeling and how much Christian means to me. This post has just been sitting here as a draft – stagnant.
I don’t know what to say. I pretty much knew one of the most amazing human beings to ever walk the face of this earth. And now, you’re gone, my friend.
Christian: Thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for loving me and for allowing me to love you back. Thank you for being the bright shining light you continue to be.
I’m sure, just like my dad, it’ll take a year or so before this all finally sinks in. I understand you’re no longer here with me/us, but it’s seriously not computing completely.
I love you, hooker.
3 Responses to “Christian Thiele Zabriskie”
thanks for posting this, baby. i found a few weeks ago, the words totally stopped for me. it’s hard to get out a coherent sentence about anything, let alone our man. but i’m also realizing i’m not in a hurry–we’ll all be chewing on this for the rest of our lives, and it despite this strange and harrowing flavor, it does have a peculiar sweetness to it. i love you very much and hope to come see you before the year’s out. kisses!
I had thoughts of this being like some really awesome post that razzled and dazzled and poetically encapsulated my love and mourning for christian —- and that I’d have some profound words to say something meaningful and all I had for weeks were the photos and the memories of the trip to Bloomington. The truth is, I’m still pretty fucking shattered. I still kind of can’t believe what the fuck just happened.
There have been two occasions after a long day of work/school/studio, where I will be thinking about where/how I want to unwind, and there will be a brief, almost incomplete, blissful idea to call Xtian to see if I can come over. As if we both got consumed by our pursuits and forgot to visit.
Both of these lapses made me laugh at myself for how good that little moment of self-trickery felt.